I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
