in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
