I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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