How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Randomize
