I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
