You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
someone owes me an orgasm
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
