He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
