Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
