Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
