ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
