I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
