Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
