Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
