Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
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