apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Send help, water and tortillas.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
