I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
