Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
