R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize