So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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