listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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