I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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