a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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