I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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