The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
...so i touched it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
