It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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