she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
