How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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