He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i think my cat just said my name.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
