i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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