How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
