so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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