I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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