then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
