I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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