so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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