you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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