whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
