I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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