i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
