What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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