So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
