I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
