Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
