I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
