Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize