Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
