I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
