Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
