She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
