this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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