i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
