yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
