It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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