my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
