It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
