3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Thank you for not boning my boss.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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