mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
