last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
