If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
