Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
