sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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