If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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