Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
