I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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