I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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