I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
