It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Plan B is the new Plan A
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
